


If I See Her Again

by dddecay



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), Spiderman - Fandom, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Anxiety, Dead Gwen, Depressed Peter Parker, Depression, Grieving Peter Parker, Hurt Peter, Hurt Peter Parker, Intern Peter Parker, M/M, Marvel Universe, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Precious Peter Parker, Self Harm, Self Harming Peter Parker, Series, Stressed Tony, Sucide, Suicidal Peter Parker, Suicidal Thoughts, Unfinished, i dont really know what else to put here lol, trigger warning, what a kid
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2020-04-23 16:02:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19154332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dddecay/pseuds/dddecay
Summary: Peter fights himself over Gwen's death, and his brain wins.





	If I See Her Again

**Author's Note:**

> D00d, this is really just a brainstorm for the second chapter of Neon Emotions. Hope y'all like it, though!!

“Gwen.” Peter sobbed, Gwen’s breathing slowing down as Peter cradled her in his arms. “Please, no… You can’t leave me. Not now. I- Gwen!” 

As her heart stopped and the battle continued around him, Peter felt emotionally unable to continue fighting. She was gone. Gwen had left him, just like everyone else. This was all his fault. He was going to be alone forever, and it was all his fault. All his fault, all his fault, all his fault, all my fault-

Panic settled into Peter’s bones as the duvet covering him became too heavy to handle. In an instant Gwen’s decaying body was trapping him onto the mattress, the smell of the rotting flesh filling his nostrils and causing nausea to rise inside of him. With a gag, Gwen’s body was replaced with his vomit and the tears that had been trapped in his eyes freely flowed down his cheeks. After a few minutes, Peter had finally managed to clean up the mess he made. Trapping himself in his small closet, he reached into a bag and pulled out his sharpest blade.

This all had been going on too long. Although the Stark internship had given him a small break from the terrible thoughts and nightmares, Peter decided that it was time to finish it. The blade gleaned innocently in his hand, but he knew that this would be the last time he’d be using it. After saving the sharp blade for this exact moment, he was instantly pleased to see how easy it tore his flesh open. As the blood seeped out from both wrists, he added one last long, deep line to each. Just as insurance, to make sure that he died.

A crash tore him from his thoughts, and he immediately hid the blade under his suit, which he was also planning on putting on. Black spots danced in his vision and th blood slowly pooled around him. As his sight was slowly taken over by the spots, he allowed himself to rest. After his head slumped to the side and his eyes slid shut, the closet door slammed open with such force that it was torn off of its hinges and thrown to the side.

“Peter!” A voice yelled before everything went dark.

\- - - -

He woke up in a white room, no one in site and nothing to be heard. Wow, I actually did it. Finally. I’m dead. Peter thought, although his entire body was in agony. 

“Gwen…” Peter whispered, wondering when he’d be able to see her once more.

“No, my name’s Tony.”

Peter nearly jumped out of his skin as he looked up towards the door.

“M-Mr. Stark? You’re here too?”

“Kid, we’re in the tower. Of course I’m here with you.”

Disappointment filled Peter’s facial features as he realized that he’d never see Gwen again, aside from his horrible visions.

“No... “ Peter whispered, staring at his hands. Writhing around in the bed, he looked around for any way to make it stop. A sharp object, some medicine, a ledge, anything. He needed this to end.

Strong hands held him down as he near-flew to the window, a sob erupting with immense force from his chest.

“Please, please, make it stop. Let me go. Mr. Stark, make it end, please.”

Tony’s heart broke at the sight of this kid, broken in his arms. “Peter… It’s okay. I’ll- We’ll fix this. I promise.”

“I can’t-” Peter struggled to breathe, trying to rip himself out from Tony’s arms. “I can’t breathe, help-”

As the young spider hyperventilated in his arms, Tony placed one of the kid’s fragile hands onto his own sternum. ‘Pete, I need you to breathe with me. Okay? In… Hold… And out. See?”

Peter nodded.

“Good. Good, Peter, you’re doing good.”

Minutes passed as Peter slowly fell asleep in Tony’s arms, the exhaustion of fighting pulling him down into a deep sleep. 

“I’ll fix this, Underoos. I’ll make it better.” Tears threatened Tony to silence as he moved the boy back into the hospital bed, not risking to let him out of his sight. “I promise.”


End file.
